Dear Dog #2,
I know that you defintely run this household, but I was hoping to lay down some rules and post some observations. Perhaps this will be just the trick we need to live together like peanut butter and jelly. You can be the peanut butter.
1. It's MY bed. Don't try to trick me by telling me you need to go outside, wait for me to get up and open the back door, and then ruuunnnn back and get in my spot as fast as you can.
2. Eat your food. Your food is delicious. You don't have to wait and see what your brother is going to eat, because it's the same thing. I promise.
3. My bras and panties do not qualify as chew toys. You have a whole basket of such things, and I will gladly re-show you where they are, if you have forgotten.
4. I know you think you're helping me answer the door when someone knocks, but from now on- just sit back, relax, and let me get it.
5. Putting your leash in your mouth and doing ballerina twirls does not make me walk faster. It's actually quite counter-productive because then I have to concentrate on not falling over you, not getting little brother's leash tangled in yours, and getting yours out of your mouth. See? It's like a production stand-still.
6. This goes with number two but let me just say it again, you're not starving. The way you sit as close as you can to me and watch every bite of food I take, with a trembling expression of frantic pleading, is really annoying.
7. The point of the fetch game is for me to throw it, then you go get it and bring it back. It's silly for me to throw it, go get it, and then you chase me around trying to take it. Not how it works.
8. I don't mind you sleeping with me, you're like my own little private heater that I don't have to share with the boyfriend. I don't even mind you sharing my pillow. But I was thinking that maybe you don't have to lay with your arms and legs sticking straight out and on my back, half pushing me off the bed whenever you start stretching. Just something to think about.
9.You don't have to follow me into every room I go in. I promise there is not secret door to exit and I'm not in the bathroom sneaking food or having fun without you. I promise I’ll come right back out and will return to the room you're in eventually. Really, I’ll only be a minute. I won’t leave you…
10. I just can't stress this one enough: Chuy is not a squeaky toy. Dragging him across the hardwood floors by his throat or ears is not okay. The sounds he is making may sound like one of your squeaky animals, but it's not.
Well, I hope this clears a few things up. You really are the best puppy ever, and no matter how many times a day I threaten, I wouldn't really take you to the pound or throw you out the car window.
1 week ago